Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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