You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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