I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
