just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just high enough for therapy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
