No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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