There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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