once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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