Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Boobs speak an international language.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
