I wanna passion pit in your ass
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
