Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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