guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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