I got chris browned last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
