I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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