SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
