best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
