last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize