You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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