His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
