You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
