i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
