dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
