Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
