That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
