He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
