I think im going to throw up on grandma
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
