Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
