He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
