i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize