Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
