Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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