i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
