Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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