I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
