If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
