he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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