I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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