we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
