I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
