Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
