You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
