Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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