Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
