need another drink. this is the easiest way
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
