Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
