i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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