he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
