Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
