i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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