Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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