That's when you crack a 10am beer
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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