i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
