our cab driver is having phone sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
