Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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