I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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