About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
