finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
