I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
