Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
