Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
