Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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