I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
