she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
