Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
