We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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