If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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