If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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