Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
