FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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