Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize