The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
