Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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