You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
