just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
