You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
