new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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