That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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