Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize