Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
