A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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