U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize